I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
