Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
