i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
