I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
