He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
