Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
