Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
