Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize