so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
