Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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