he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
