I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
