the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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