Welp...herpes.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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