I wanna bring you to show and tell
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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