my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
