You made me cry and you don't even care
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
