Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
