so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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