it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
