the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
