We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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