Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
