3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
