We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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