Where is the hickey?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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