I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
