very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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