mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
