Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
