Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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