My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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