i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
