I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
