Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
