I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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