it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
