wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
