i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
