Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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