he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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