return my video game
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
