you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
