with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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