its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
