Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
