We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
