Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
