The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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