The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
