we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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