I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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